Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not.          -Epicurus

My husband pointed out something to me that I never realized I did. He said that when we’re out and about and there are lots of people around he’ll often catch me looking intently at other women. Checking them out, really.

Why?

Well, I’m comparing myself to them. What physical attributes of theirs are more beautiful than mine? Do they have thinner legs? Are they tall and willowy? How might they be “better” than me? Also, sometimes, what about me is prettier then them?

It’s an awful thing. Not only am I being completely dissatisfied with the way I look but I’m also diminishing that person’s individual beauty and everyone’s individualness.

It’s a beautiful thing to be able to recognize and appreciate the beautiful way another human being was created but not at the detriment of tearing yourself down. How I long to be able to embrace the way I was made.

There’s something that I was told that guys who struggle with lust try to make a habit of. It’s the “eye bounce”. The jist of it is this: When they see a beautiful woman, they’re able to bounce their eyes off her instead of linger and look her up and down in a lustful way. Now hopefully someday they’ll be able to see and acknowledge a beautiful woman in a godly fashion and not always have to be avoiding their gaze. But sometimes you have to avoid something to relearn how to approach it in a good way.

I’m going to try to adopt the eye bounce for a little while. I want to be able to see and appreciate the many types of beauty I come into contact with throughout the day. But I think first I need to do some healing and learn how to not focus on beauty, others or my own, so much.

I once wrote a sermon on self-image and being created in God’s image and learning to be proud of how we’ve been made and to feel beautiful, as God sees us. I was gently reminded by someone that it’s not all about beauty. Part of being not so aware of our physical flaws is realizing that God’s love for us is not at all dependent on the way we look.

I want to be able to worship the Creator of beauty, not beauty itself. And I believe, in doing that, I will find the freedom to walk around and acknowledge the beauty of those around me without crushing me. Because how I look doesn’t define me.